Teach Yourself the Internet in 24 Hours - Hour 24 - The Internet Just for Fun You've put in a lot of work over the preceding 23 lessons, so now it's time to have some fun. What you find in the following pages may have almost no useful value whatsoever. But that's okay! Sometimes you just have to let loose a little bit. In this lesson, you can find answers to the following questions regarding business on the Internet: Can the Web make me laugh? What are some of the funniest Web sites? Can you show me some newsgroups to brighten my day? What's just plain bizarre on the Web? What would I do if I were looking for stuff on a particular funny topic? I hope that you'll find some rhyme or reason to this lesson as you read on. But face it, the people who come up with most of the stuff you'll look at here have way too much time on their hands! Make Me Laugh The most time-honored source of laughter is the good, old, simple joke. One-liners, knock-knocks, and a hundred other kinds of jokes can keep us in stitches. Let's find some of them, shall we? Time Saver: A great place to start looking for joke-related Web sites is http://www.yahoo.com/Entertainment/Humor_Jokes_and_Fun/Jokes/. Here you can find dozens of links to joke sites of different kinds. A Joke-a-Day Some of the best joke sites are the ones that cycle their humor. In other words, these sites can display random jokes, a different joke every day, and the like. These sites can be interesting and fun. Let's take a look at a few of them now. Just A Minute: Many of these pages contain joke archives and links to other joke sites. Look for these links, and you'll never be at a lack for humor. ALLWORLD's Joke of the Day at http://allworld.net/allworld/jokes/awjokes.html has a different joke for you every day. For example, did you know that Coca-Cola was originally translated into Chinese as "bite the wax tadpole"? arbor.com's Joke of the Day page has cheesy graphics but funny jokes. Check it out at http://www.arbor.com/joke/. Netcenter's Joke of the Day assures that you get at least one good joke every day. While visiting the page at http://netcenter.com/daily.html, you can discover that Groucho Marx said, "Outside of a Dog, a book is Man's Best Friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read!" If you like puns, you can find some real groaners at the Pun of the Day site, which is shown in Figure 24.1. When you go to this site at http://www.escape.ca/~pun/potd.htm, you get puns that tell you "those interested only in board games at Christmas might just be chess nuts roasting by an open fire." Figure 24.1. Get a new pun every day, enter a contest, or find more joke pages here. Topical Jokes Many people like certain types of jokes. Blonde jokes, lawyer jokes, and light bulb jokes are among the more popular. If you have a fascination with a certain type of joke, the Internet has plenty for you, too: How many hippies does it take to screw in a light bulb? Three--one to change the light bulb and two to say "Oh, wow!" Get a new one of these classics every 10 seconds at http://www.crc.ricoh.com:8080/~marcush/lightbulb/random.cgi. Lawyer jokes have been around for years, as you can find at Nolo's Favorite Lawyer Jokes page at http://www.nolo.com/jokes/jokes.html. Can you believe that you can find over 20 categories of lawyer jokes? The redneck joke, near and dear to this redneck's heart, was made popular by the comic Jeff Foxworthy. To find this kind of joke, go to the Fort Ogden Outpost at http://www.konnections.com/outpost/foredneck.html, as shown in Figure 24.2. If you've been on TV more than five times describing the sound of a tornado, you might be a redneck. Musician jokes? Being a musician myself, I didn't think anyone would take the time to write jokes about us, but sure enough, Spence's Music Jokes at http://www.primenet.com/~luckycat/musjokes.htm has done it. How do you get an electric guitarist to turn down? Put sheet music in front of him! Figure 24.2. Are you a redneck? Find out here! They Said It Most people who follow comedy also follow the comedians who create the humor. Several sites cover jokes and material by particular comedians: Find out more about the host of The Tonight Show at Nicolai's Jay Leno Tribute Page at http://www2.dk-online.dk/users/Nicolai_Ascanius_Jorgensen/leno.htm. Find out everything there is to know about the "guy with the jaw." Opposite Jay is David Letterman, who is famous for his Top Ten lists. You can see all the lists and more by going to http://www.cbs.com/lateshow/, as shown in Figure 24.3. While there, you can find that the top sign you have a bad airline pilot is when he "keeps referring to the control tower as `Mommy.'" Time Saver: If you're interested in more comedians, go to http://www.yahoo.com/Business_and_Economy/Companies/Entertainment /Comedy/Comedians/. Oh, yeah, they're out there. Figure 24.3. Peruse the Top Ten lists, take a look at Dave, and get more Late Show information. A Quick Tour of the Bizarre Some things defy explanation or definition. These things you might call "bizarre." Next, let's visit the world of the bizarre and truly strange. If you're looking for something truly off-the-wall, begin with the sites listed in the following sections. To peruse more on your own, you might want to visit http://www.yahoo.com/Entertainment/Humor_Jokes_and_Fun/Bizarre/. CAUTION: On the Net, "bizarre" can also mean extremely offensive or off-color, so choose your spots carefully. Websites-R-Us One of the strangest experiences you will ever have is a visit to the Roadkills-R-Us Web site of Miles O'Neal. Every page causes you to either laugh or scratch your head as you wonder what you're missing, as you can see in Figure 24.4. But, hey, Miles does a better job of explaining his site than I could: "Roadkills-R-Us was formed on Usenet in 1988. It was formed in, and exists solely in cyberspace, as do its products. Dedicated to recycling as far up the food chain as possible, RRU (TM) is known throughout the inner solar system for its fine food and other products made from roadkill." Though Miles is the president of the company, he has capable help from the likes of Suzi Styrofoam and Gladys Gloria Glasshead. Figure 24.4. The RRU Web site at http://www.rru.com takes you to a virtual world of virtual insanity. From the RRU home page, you can go to the RRU News Flush, find out how much different types of roadkill cost these days, or find out about the Death Country, Jazz Rap, Tejano Punk Muzak, Barfy Manilow RRU jammin band. Whatever you do, check your sanity at the door. Only Those Worthy The Wacky Ninja home page is another shrine of the bizarre. With an apparent fixation on Twinkies and kitty litter, this one keeps you wondering if actual human beings really think up this stuff. To Do: Learning About Twinkies 1. Point your browser to http://www.owlnet.rice.edu/~gouge/index.html. 2. Click the T.W.I.N.K.I.E. Experiment link to go to a particularly strange page, which is shown in Figure 24.5. 3. Click any of the fun and wacky Twinkie experiments listed at the bottom of the page. My favorite is the Maximum Density Text. 4. Try the experiment yourself if you have a Twinkie around. You may find out that a Twinkie is 68 percent air, for example, and only 32 percent "Twinkie stuff." Figure 24.5. If you like Twinkies, you'll love this site. It'll Crack You Up Somewhere between Joke of the Day and Mind-Numbing Strangeness is the CrackedWEB, as shown in Figure 24.6. Every week offers a new story of satire, wit, or weirdness. View their previous stories, order the CrackedWEB book, and more by going to http://www.starsend.com/Cracked/cracked.HTM. STAR DWARVES and more are yours for the taking. Figure 24.6. This Old Haunted House comprises this week's entry on the CrackedWEB. Humorous and Bizarre News The Web isn't the only place to find weird stuff. Usenet offers its share of wackiness as well. Remember, the standard disclaimers apply--because many of these groups are unmoderated, "bizarre" can sometimes degenerate to "disgusting" very quickly. If you start out with the groups recommended here, you should be pretty safe. Just A Minute: Want the weirdness to come to you? Why not try the Weird News listserv? To subscribe, send e-mail to LISTSERV@BROWNVM.BROWN.EDU with no Subject: and the line SUBSCRIBE TREPAN-L in the body of your message. Plenty of yucks and strangeness are to be had on a daily basis on Usenet. The following are a few of the best: The creme de la creme of funny newsgroups is rec.humor.funny. This moderated group generally has good jokes. Off-color humor is encrypted in ROT-13. You must decode these jokes before you can read them. The alt.comedy.* hierarchy has some great groups covering vaudeville to the Stooges. The alt.comics.* hierarchy has groups on Dilbert, Peanuts, and more. aus.jokes gives you a sense of humor from the Land Down Under. This group isn't moderated, so read carefully. The longest Usenet newsgroup name goes to (drumroll, please) alt.tv.lost-in-space.danger.will-robinson.danger.danger.danger. Believe it or not, some people actually post to this group. Of course, for a little more traffic, you might want to look at alt.tv.seinfeld or alt.tv.beakmans-world. You might also want to scan the alt.fan.* hierarchy. Several comedians and strange people are listed in this cluster of groups. In Search of the Holy Grail Arguably the best comedy troupe of modern times is Monty Python's Flying Circus. This comedy troupe (no, Monty Python isn't a person) was lead by John Cleese and Graham Chapman. Their television show aired on the BBC from 1969 to 1974, but they are probably most famous for movies such as Monty Python and the Holy Grail. Even if you've never heard of them, check out the rest of this section--you might find yourself hooked. The FAQs About Monty Python If you already know everything there is to know about Monty Python, you may want to skip the next couple of paragraphs. Even if you're very familiar with them, you might learn something here anyway. You can access the Monty Python Frequently Asked Questions file from one of several locations: E-mail: Send e-mail to either John Kolesar at kolesar@clark.net or Bonni Hall at bonni@prairienet.org. FTP: If you point your browser to ftp://ftp.uu.net/usenet/news.answers/monty-python, you can see or download the full-text version of the Monty Python FAQ. Usenet: The FAQ is posted to the alt.fan.monty-python newsgroup every two weeks. Look for it. WWW: The FAQ is also posted at http://www.clark.net/pub/kolesar/FAQ/FAQINDEX.html. Just A Minute: The Monty Python FAQ is invaluable. It gives lots of information that is valuable not just to Python fans, but also to those looking for similar information on other groups and copyrighted materials, as you can see in Figure 24.7. Take a few moments to "have a go at it." Figure 24.7. This interactive FAQ is priceless to any Python surfer. The Official Monty Python Homepage The Official Python Homepage, shown in Figure 24.8, is a jolly good stroll through the wacky world of the Flying Circus. You can find pointers and links to everything you ever wanted to know about Monty Python on this site. It is located at http://www.pythonline.com/afmp/. Figure 24.8. The Holy Grail for Python followers everywhere. If you want to see (or rather read) what all the fuss is about, follow the next set of steps from the AFMP Homepage. To Do: Searching for the Holy Grail 1. Click the alt.fan.monty-python Internet Resources Page link. You can find a lot of stuff here. 2. Click the Archive Sites link. 3. Go to Lord DarkWolfe's FTP Site and then click Movies. 4. Click the holy.grail.screenplay to see the cult comedy classic in all its glory. If you've never seen the movie, just read a few pages of the script, and you'll want to. Other Monty Python Pages Several other sites are available for Python addicts. One of the best is the Monty Python's Flying Circus page. Get music chord charts, do full-text searches, or download audio files of some of their zaniest skits. To Do: Playing with Monty Python 1. Point your browser to http://bau2.uibk.ac.at/sg/python/monty.html. 2. Click the Sounds link. 3. Click any one of the sound files displayed. Depending on how you've configured your browser, you can save the file to play later or have a plug-in play it for you right away. The Monty Python Newsgroups Most of this Monty Python silliness, of course, springs from the newsgroups alt.fan.monty-python and alt.fan.monty-python.silliness. If you're into Python for the long haul, subscribe to these groups. They're designed mainly for discussion, silliness, and mayhem, so you shouldn't expect to download files from these groups. But believe me, the conversation is entertaining enough! Before this final lesson ends, just remember that most of these resources were located by searching. Whether you're searching the Web, FTP, Catalist, or newsgroups, the key is in finding the information. Give a man an Internet resource, and he'll surf for a day; teach him how to find Internet resources, and he'll surf for the rest of his life. Summary In this wacky lesson, you learned how to conduct density experiments on Twinkies and calculate the per pound cost of various flavors of roadkill. You now know if you're a redneck, and you probably know more light bulb jokes than your 10 closest friends. You also learned more than you probably ever wanted to know about Monty Python's Flying Circus. Most importantly, though, you once again realized how important it is to be able to locate resources on the Internet. So, now, it's time; venture forth, use ye the Internet, and may your travels be fruitful. Workshop The following workshop helps solidify the skills that you learned in this lesson. Q&A Q You seem to have an awful lot of warnings in this lesson. Are they really necessary? A In my opinion, yes. Any time you ask people for bizarre and funny material without regulation of the content, you're asking for trouble. You would probably be truly shocked by some of the material that's on the Internet, so you can never be too safe. Quiz Take the following quiz to see how much you've learned. Questions 1. How many PR people does it take to change a light bulb? (a) One--they're very good at spinning things. (b) Two--one to find out if the people want it screwed in and one to screw it in. (c) I don't know, but I'll get back to you on that. 2. What were the conclusions of the Twinkie Oxidization Test? (a) Because they're 68 percent air, they already are oxidized! (b) No oxidization occurs with lard and flour. (c) Twinkies actually burn quite nicely after they are dried out. 3. This whole lesson was silly! (a) True (b) False Answers 1. (c) According to the Random Light Bulb Joke page. I came up with (a) and (b) myself. 2. (c) See http://www.owlnet.rice.edu/~gouge/twinkie.docs/oxidation.html for confirmation of these results. 3. (a) Are you kidding? Activity See the most bizarre or funny resource you can find in under 15 minutes. If it's really funny, send it to me--I like a good joke.

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